how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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