He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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