I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
