dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
