I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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