The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
