Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
