Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
