I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
