I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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