I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
