I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
