Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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