is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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