i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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