Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Watching her eat just hurts me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
