his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
