I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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