next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
