Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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