I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
