I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
