I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
