Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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