I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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