My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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