her vagine was all disorganized.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
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then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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