Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
