Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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