I'm lost and stupid without you.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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