don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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