Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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