she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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