its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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