I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
