I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
