I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
