I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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