Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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