Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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