considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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