I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
BRING THE BAGELS
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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