dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
