i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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