I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
