we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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