I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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