Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
