Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
