Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
