This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she woke up with a sticky ear
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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