She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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