Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
