Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
