You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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