I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
