Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
