If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
