I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
