i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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