So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
