You can't motorboat a personality
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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