Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
