come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
