i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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