This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
